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Doctor Who Concrit

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Oh, No, Not Another [Aug. 19th, 2006|02:30 pm]
Doctor Who Concrit

dw_concrit

[lilacfree]
Post Doomsday Fic. Well, it's a ficlet, and not much angsty. I want it to have a good structure because with all the post-Doomsday fic out I try to at least make it well written if it can't have an original theme.

By the way, thank you kindly for letting me join. It's very nice to be here. So, like, I have this short fic that needs some concrit, and if anyone has any advice I'd be most grateful. Fic at the cut, and at the end of the fic are a couple of questions I have.




Nothing ever changed on Woman Wept.

Only rare visitors broke the frigid silence.

“What do you mean, you lost Rose?” The words were spoken in low, dangerous tones.

The Doctor watched the other man, furious, clench his fists as if fighting down the urge to strangle him. “She’s gone. She didn’t—doesn’t—die, but I’ll never see her again. I can’t explain! You know that.”

The rising sun illuminated the two of them and the mountainous waves locked into place by the biggest flash freeze in history. Rose had loved this planet.

“Why did you come here, then? Of all places.”

“This whole planet is a moment frozen in time, a moment you can touch. It feels like there’s only one Time here that preserves the memories of all who visit. I didn’t know how right I was.” The Doctor laughed humorlessly.

He opened the door of his TARDIS and turned to face his earlier incarnation. “The Blinovitch Limitation Effect still works for us, I suppose.”

“Meaning I won’t remember. Good. I’ve got enough to remember,” the other Doctor said bitterly.

“Shut it,” he said with no sympathy at all. “I’d give up a regeneration to trade TARDISes with you. Go on! You’ve got things to do, memories to make, and an over-dramatic death scene coming your way. Try not to muck it up.”

“No promises,” the Doctor said, with the cheeky black humor the Doctor hoped he didn’t do any more.

He stood in the door of the TARDIS and watched its twin dematerialize. Somewhere in one of its rooms, young Rose Tyler lay peacefully asleep. He would never be so close to her again, because he would get the mallet back out if the TARDIS repeated today’s maneuver.

Even his dark mood could not stop the Doctor from seeing the beauty of this world. As the sun rose higher, its rays stabbed through the mountains of ice where the water was translucent. One wave held the carcass of a sea-creature like a giant anemone, forever the sculpture of the life it had been. Nearly as translucent as the water, it resembled the northern Rose Window in the cathedral of Notre Dame. Surely Martha would like to see it.

No. Time to make new memories.

The Doctor went back into the TARDIS and soon the beach was empty.

Nothing ever changed on Woman Wept.



The End

Author’s Questions:
I’ve got three things I’d like to work here. One is to suggest that part of the reason the Doctor refuses to let things go farther with Rose is because the Ninth Doctor doesn’t clearly remember what happens here, he knows he’s destined to lose her, and sooner rather than later. The second is to conceal the identity of the Ninth Doctor… I don’t know if it’s necessary, but I wanted it to be unobvious until it became obvious, and that it’s possibly Jack he’s talking to and he brought them both back here to remember Rose. The third is the image of Woman Wept as a permanent memorial, where even time seems frozen. So not only does Ten’s TARDIS turn up at the same time as Nine’s visit, but that visit itself is frozen in an eternal now.



Ack. ETA the missing angle bracket from the LJ cut. So very sorry.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: amandarex
2006-08-21 01:36 am (UTC)
You have to read it twice to really suss out what's going on, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I didn't mind doing it.

I did think it was Nine and Ten right away, but it wasn't necessarily obvious. I think that just happened to be the assumption that I made. I can clearly see why another reader might think for a moment that it was Jack.

For the concrit, I have the following. As always, take it with a grain of salt. It's your story and only you really know how it needs to be.

That being said, I think it deserves to be just a bit longer. I would love just a paragraph or two more about Woman Wept, maybe internal dialogue from Ten about what it feels like to stand there. It could either come before Nine says the line about losing Rose near the beginning, or after Nine gets back in his TARDIS. I like your version of Woman Wept and would love to hear more about it.

I also love the idea of a Nine/Ten standoff (I wrote one myself, actually--much different than this one, but it goes to show you that I really like that idea of the two of them getting a gander at each other) and I'd love that moment to be a bit longer as well. I know Ten probably wouldn't tell him anything more. No point, as Nine wouldn't remember it, but they'd both have some interesting thoughts about the other if they were face to face, I think.

Basically what I'm saying is that I enjoyed it and would only recommend changing it to lengthen it and give me more of the same to read. :) Thanks for posting it.
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[User Picture]From: lilacfree
2006-08-24 07:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks for your feedback. It was very helpful. I mulled it over and made a few changes, though I'm not sure they were what you might have looked for. I'm posting it on Teaspoon.
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[User Picture]From: amandarex
2006-08-25 03:54 am (UTC)
I'll look for it on Teaspoon. I won't mind a bit if the changes are different from the ones I suggested--it's all part of the process and it will be interesting to see how it changed.
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